This is a series I started when I first started this blog. I then went into other subjects and almost forgot to finish what I had started. That said, this is a series of tips on how to tell if the man you are with really wants to be with you, or if he is just there for ulterior motives. So now I am finally giving up the latest installment, as it seems that some of you have been waiting a long time for it.
While, a man may actually be into being with you, me might not know how to express what and how he feels about you to you. If you are in a situation of mixed signals, worry or doubt, you are certainly in the right place. Learning to read a man’s signals is difficult enough as there are many signals a man gives off when he cares. The problem is, they cross over into the look alike signals he gives off when he is only interested in another notch on his belt or bedpost.
That being said, I would like you all to know that I have been here, there and everywhere and I know what both sides of the equation feels like. I do not want anyone else to have to suffer, which is why I write and if I can help just one person, then my writing is worth something. So please, keep reading…
What Does He Do for You?
When a man is really into being with a woman, from day one he will do “the little things,” no matter what they may be. Any man who takes time out of his busy man life to learn what you want is definitely into you. For example, do you find he calls the florist for every little thing? Does he bring you special gifts for no reason? Does he remember important things like the date you met and the first kiss? Any man who has the ability to remember these things and show this kind of affection is certainly in your life to stay.
Why Does He Do These Things?
The question here is, does he do these things because he wants to, or because you are nagging him to do it? This is the one distinction that many people just are not willing to look at. When a couple who is afraid to look at the truth for what it is does not, then it is basically over-no matter what he does and who loves who. That said, a couple who recognizes the subtle and sometimes no so subtle differences between the intent is a couple that is probably going to last a long time.
Because He is Into You
If a guy is doing these romantic things that mean a lot to you because he wants to do them and he is really into you, then he will do them with a certain flavor. For example, if he truly wants to give you flowers, he will do so when you least expect it-because you are not expecting it. Or he will do so to commemorate a special date or event, without you having to say anything to him about it. He will just remember out of the blue.
If he buys you little gifts of chocolates, he does so when you are menstruating, or other times when he knows you need it. If you do not have to beg him to go to the store or make other special trips, then he is doing it because he really wants to and is not being forced to. It is the little remembrances that can make a big difference in the intent of what he is doing and that makes all the difference.
Because is Not Into You
On the other hand, for a couple who has been together for a long time, they might go through the romantic motions, but only to “shut the other up” so to speak. Do you have to remind him when it’s your birthday? Do you have to beg him to get you a cup of coffee, or go to the store for you for anything? Depending on the consistency of the need to remind him of the little things will determine if it is real or imagined distancing.
For example, did he forget only once and make an obvious effort never to forget again, or is it like asking him to do the dishes or pick up his socks? Do you remind him constantly of the little things or are you are at the point of nagging? If it gets to this point, he is probably not that into you anymore and you will need to examine the reality of the situation.
The Reality of the Situation
It is easy to fall into a comfortable state where the dates and little things don’t matter anymore. Or at least, they don’t matter to him anymore. Why should he have to keep trying so hard if he already has you? That is where the problem lies. When you finally realize the “magic” is gone, you start to nag, and nag, and nag, and-well, you get the picture. So he starts doing the “little things” again just to shut you up.
This is where you must sit down and really look at the relationship for what it is. Is he just doing these things to shut you up? If he is, then he is just not that into you anymore. It is a fact of life and these things happen. However, if you can figure out what went wrong, you may be able to fix it. But if neither of you have the will or the motivation to make it work, then I suggest you talk about the future intentions of the relationship and your life together because there is no reason to be stuck in a relationship when neither is happy.