Determining What’s Going on, and What You Can Do About It
There is a time in everyone’s life where communication seems like the hardest thing to maintain in your relationship. Do you find yourself wishing you would talk more? Do you think to yourself that your partner doesn’t understand you like they used to? Do they think you are cold as ice and have no emotions, or if you do they are all too cheery as if you are hiding your true feelings? If so, you simply must read this. Let’s help you get back to communicating with your mate so you can have a happily after all ending like it should be.
The Honeymoon Period
When we are in a relationship, we want and we hope that everything will be all hunky-dory. We hope life will go along without a care in the world and for the most part, it seems like it does most of the time . Or it does for that first few weeks, months and, in the case of a new marriage, the first year (in the good ones), and thankfully so. However, after the “honeymoon period” wears off, we start to get restless and bored even. We think we might need some space so we fight for it. But in the process, we may learn that we are holding back some resentments that we have towards our significant other. If this is the case, things slowly start to break down-even after just a little while. Then eventually things will get so bad that all communications will cease completely. Then comes the break up.
The Beginnings of Breakdown…
There was a point in my life where I thought I needed to bottle things up. I grew up with the understanding that my feelings were, how should I say this… invalid, for lack of better expression… Which eventually led to a life of abusive relationships and pure Hell. It is by a stroke of pure luck I am here to tell the tale today. That is when it all started for me, where my life started to become what seemingly was some of the worst years of my life. From here it only got worse for me, and if you are in a situation where communication is impossible, you will too. It starts as a limitation, then turns into a habit. From there, it becomes a part of you and is almost second nature. If the cycle is not stopped at this point, the problem will persist and continue on until you reach the next stage.
At one point, there was a lack of communication that was so bad I went almost two weeks without even saying hello to my now-ex-boyfriend. I would get up and go to work without a word. We would go to bed and raise our kids and still never say a word to each other. To be honest with you, I had nothing to say. If I knew then what I know now, though, I would have made up something just to start the talking and communications again. We finally split up after almost six years of being together, for other reasons. The least of which was the communication problem.
Not communicating even about the most basic things hurt a lot and was a major contributor to the break up I went through. And it will be for you too if you don’t get help or try to turn things around. There is no relationship without trust and with out communications there can be no trust. Period. I am hoping I will have the ability to help you…
The Real Reasons Why…
I tell you about my life and my past as a way to let you know I understand and that these things happen-to everyone, not just you. And it just goes to show that if there is a lack of communication in a relationship or if the communication channels have broken down in your relationship in any way, or in any part of your life, it could spell the end for you and your mate. Not only that, but you will miss some very important things… Some important things that could have, or should have happened-but didn’t. Little or no communication can make life Hell and ruin some very important moments-and the relationship’s future-all at the same time.
Is it Too Late?
The imminent break up after this point can be avoided, and it is easily done. One thing to keep in mind when you are in an relationship is that the act of communication is never one to forget or ignore. My husband of (over) two years always says, communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and quite frankly, I have to agree. I wasn’t always this agreeable, however, as you can see from above. That said, I am sure you are wondering how to start communicating better, right? Well if you are, good for you! Recognizing you have a problem (yours or your partner) in the relationship is the first step of fixing it. It is never too late until it’s too late. And it’s only too late if it’s already dead and gone. If you are reading this then you probably still have a chance.
It Does Get Better
These days with my current husband, things are much, much different and I couldn’t be happier. And like I said, I wasn’t always this way. It was me-for the most part, whose communication skills were lacking. And they stayed that way until my hubby taught me things could and should be different. Of course we (him and I) have had our difficulties, as all couples do, but the one way we always seem to work things out is with communication. I have learned that if two people can communicate, it may not magically get better, but it will get better, period. I am no longer saddened by what happened, in the past, and I learned from the experience and I now have the ability to communicate again. Freely, without fear.
Turn Back the Clock of Communication
So go for it! Go to wherever your partner is and start talking. Doesn’t matter what about at first, it just matters that you do. Once you get a little more comfortable with actually opening up, you can start talking about how you feel. The even better part is, if your mate sees you making the effort, they are more than likely to reciprocate, making it even easier to accomplish an open communication line again. And that is the major step to lasting communications and a relationship that lasts forever.