Or is the Blindfold is Too Tight that You Can’t Tell?
This post is about trusting someone in a relationship. How do you now when it is safe to trust your partner? Especially if the relationship is, for the most part, new? There are so many different aspects to the trust issue, so I will do a few posts on the subject. This first one concerns new trust, how to earn it, how to know when it is safe to give, etc.
This is essentially part one. The other two or three posts will follow immediately this week. Please take heed and enjoy this post. Just remember, I have been here, there and everywhere, so I understand how you feel. Believe me, if my experiences, good or bad, can help even one person, then my life was worth something…
It’s a New But Very Real Relationship
Now that the two of you have been dating for a while, it is time to start building the trust between you. Believe it or not, you have been doing just that since you talked the very first time online. Some element of trust must have been present to make the decision to meet the first time, right? If even the littlest bit of trust was not there in the relationship, you never would have gone on the first date, never have kissed the first time and you would not be where you are now wondering about it now. So, that said, how do you keep it up? Let’s take a look at trusting for the first time in a relationship and how to tell if your mate is worthy of your trust in the first place.
First off, I would like to say congratulations for getting this far! Many people lose the nerve before the first date and many, blow things off completely and give up after the second or third. However, you are here reading this, you apparently made it to the next level. Good for you! Now keep on reading… (if you are here because someone has broken your trust, there is another post coming real soon dealing with that, so check back tomorrow) Trust is one of the most important things in any relationship. It is unfortunately very easy to trust someone in the beginning of a relationship. Both parties are eager to get to the next level and hoping it will work. So they put everything they have into the trust of their partner. Until the trust is broken… Then it must start from scratch. It is almost as if you are starting a new relationship right from the beginning. Gaining and building trust is even harder the second time around (and a post later in this series).
You Made It!
The “What If” Questions We All Face
In the beginning when things are fresh and new, you see your choice of mate in front of you and wonder. Can I trust this person? Do they deserve my trust? What if I put my trust in them and they break it? More importantly, how will I know if trusting them is the right thing to do? Then you must worry about some red flags that signal a lack of trust, or broken trust. I know these are not exactly the nicest things to think about at a time like this, but it is necessary to build a positive relationship.
The Single Most Important Answer
Building trust is quite tricky because you must earn the trust of others, as it is not freely given away. The biggest things to look for signaling a good trusting relationship is the person keeping promises. For example, if they promise to call at a certain time, or show up for a date and actually keep that promise. This is a telling action because it means the relationship means something to them and it is worth their effort. If they continue to deliver on their made promises, it is a sure sign they are going to be trustworthy. However, if they constantly put things off, or do not call or visit when they promised-and I do not mean they are a few minutes late-it could be a sign they don’t care enough about the relationship to be bothered with the responsibilities of it and they shouldn’t be trusted yet, or maybe even at all down the line. Other ways to tell include things such as promising they will meet your family and friends-and not making excuses when the time actually comes, and actually producing proof of a degree or certification they claim to have-when not asked for it and not making excuses as to why they don’t have it.
The Red Flags
The single most important thing in a relationship is trust, right? Well, what if that trust is broken? What should you do? More importantly, how would even know? Well, for starters, when you can trust a person it is because they have proven they will do what they say. They keep their promises among other things. That said, the obvious opposite to that would be them lying to you-about anything. Basically, if they lie to you about something-anything-it’s a clear signal they cannot be trusted. Even the little things count because if they think you will let them get away with the little things they might be tempted to test the waters, so to speak-and this leads to bigger things they will lie to you about… But that is a post for another time in the future. It all comes down to, did they lie to you? If you answer that question with anything other than a “no” you can’t trust them, period.
The Truth of it All
The thing of it is, though, you may not know in some situations the trust factor was breached-in this case there is nothing you can do until you find out, obviously. But when you do, you must first analyze the situation. Is it something that is forgivable or was it something so horrible that you do not think you can ever look at them again? Not so clear cut now is it? You will need to figure out what it was and then how to deal with it. Dealing with the problem is going to be the next big step in the relationship. Making it work even though it obviously damaged is, you guessed it, another post at a later date.
The truth of the matter is, it doesn’t matter what the subject, if a person said they will do something, or they want to do something and they do, it’s a sure sign they can be trusted, especially when it comes to subjects such as your loved ones. It takes a lot to want to be around children when they aren’t your own. Anything that requires a sacrifice on their part to make things work should never go unnoticed, or unrewarded either. This is another sure sign they are to be trusted-unless they do the thing for some kind of personal gain and not directly for the sake of the relationship. That said, if they don’t lie to you, trust them.. However, don’t give them the umbrella of trust under which they can do what they want, this could lead to trouble in the future. So, do they lie to you? No? Ok then, you know what to do now. And as such, if they actually keep their promises, keep them because it is like finding gold in your backyard.